So much to tell. So much to share. So much to keep with me. And so much to love.
Feelings, thoughts, experiences, moments and people are my day a day life. It is a never ending wheel of learning and living in the same 100 square meters where I sleep, eat, work, shower, talk, walk, laugh and cry. All in the same place, and at the same time, in no place.
I was giving the Guest Room where I have a bed, desk and bathroom for myself. Although I have a mouse living with me, I was able to give him the name of one of Cinderella’s mouses and let him stay with me. I feel like I am shining and eager to get started.
Waking up at 7, I see how everything is already in motion: the coma patients are being fed, all the women are preparing breakfast and tea and fruits and lunch and food food food at the indian kitchen, and the girls are beginning to arrive to their classroom on the other side of the building. At 8 everything stops for morning puja (prayers) in front of the sun rising with a praying song on the back and hands bound together in the heart. |
| Food in the making |
I take one of the most precious things I brought in my rucksack (prioritising it over some clothes), one of my parents wedding gift back in '75: a small Coffee Maker. That little lady has made my mornings even brighter and given me strength not only during the tough beginning of this journey, but also at moments experiencing hard thing to digest -lets say- and all I can do is make some coffee and write down my thoughts to see if the storm of feelings inside me gets a little calmer.
I make coffee, offer to everyone but their chai is way to valuable to commit treason and cut some fruit for breakfast. The social worker Poonam and me start the treatment of the 7 patients under my watch and then do a million things until its 10 and the consult starts.
Along hindi conversations, translations and sign language, its 12:20 and I am running to the girls classroom to check out their Bollywood dance moves at the end of their class as a reward for having a good school work day. I get refilled with energy and head back to my patients with the consult doctor to check tout there isn’t any novelty and consult on any doubt or possible lab exam that has to be done.
After lunch the dressing starts. Most of the coma patients, even if they are being very well taken care of, and the social workers are looking after them like their own family, have bed sores that keep on evolving regardless of the special mattresses that they were able to get recently. I help the workers and teach them how to properly clean the wound cover them back up, finishing always by leaving the rooms with a void feeling I am doing nothing for this people.
That is the biggest problem I have here. You might think I am doing a lot, but once you are here, and you see that wound already reaching the bone you feel helpless for not really being able to make this people have less pain, and only making sure it does not get infected and moving their position so it wont get any worse. Or if it comes the time, as it did two days ago, drive up at 10pm to the local hospital with a feverish coma patients with trouble breathing. Making the decision to transfer a patient is not an easy one and the responsibility feels humongous.
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| Central garden at SAPNA. |
The place SAPNA the NGO runs, is located in a land where a palace was built over 200 years ago for the Prince of Alwar. The garden with its trees, flowers and grass makes everything softer and nicer every time you feel down and the Rajasthani heat and sun helps you sweat off any bad feeling you might be having. The sweat is here and is coming to stay.
By now, I have checked almost every abdomen of the people working here and officially have taken several times all of their Blood Pressure --Indians are obsessed with BP and they get so happy when I tell them theirs is accha (good) that I don't mind doing it every single time they see me without gloves on.
Everyone has a different character and although Hindi is the hardest language I have ever encountered with (including Swahili) I have gotten to know the people here and they have gotten to know me. When I got sick on my stomach they made me some special Indian food and forced me to eat it, which I was sure was going to make everything worse but couldn’t tell them no after they had cooked it only for me. After 2 days of being genuinely happy to have a private toilet and taking their special food (and medicine) I got better and everyone was very happy with my western stomach making a peace treaty.
I hope I’ll be able to write a post about the personalities of some of the staff here, because they have amazing stories to tell and getting to know them is a delightful experience, however for now I can only speak about the best friend I have made in this remote area.
Her name is Vina and she speaks no English and even though I speak no Hindi, we really like each other. She is married to Bobbly, who had a motorcycle accident 5 years ago and got a head injury that took him into coma for 6 months. He woke up and they have been here for the past 4 years. She works cleaning and cooking and is always around. She never stops working and in her free time before bed she come and has dinner with me or makes my mahendi. Bobbly is one of the screamers. He screams randomly during the day and night and it was hard to get used to, even though I knew they meant no pain. Whenever I asked anyone about it they would dismiss it as something normal, until one day I listened carefully and realise what he was saying was actually "Viiiiiiinaaaaaaaaaa". He is calling his wife.
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| Vina and Bobbly |
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| Bobbly saying his daily "Good morning Madame" |
Whenever she gets out of his sight he screams and not in creepy horrible way, he just screams it and I have gotten so used to it that whenever he does it, I look around to confirm she is not there and go to keep him company if I have time.
Bobbly and Vina have 2 kids that I haven’t figured out where they are. All of our conversations are in Hindi and there is a limit to my asking. However, today I got invited into the room where I usually say "Namaste" to Bobbly and he answer with a "Good morning Madam”. Vina told to sit in one of the beds and I waited nervously while she dig in a ragged suitcase, taking out a newspaper wrapping something that most be a treasure. Inside was the album, almost without cover, of their marriage. It was -as 87% of actual marriages in India- an arranged marriage,but she told me he was very very handsome and she was more than happy to be taking her vows.
Her face changes gradually as I pass through the pictures and she starts saying many sentences including the word "accident" in between and I need to hold my tears. All I can figure from her statement is two words in english: "life over" and points at him, who has a smile on his face and looks at me proudly for looking at his album.
I try and continue to look happy and keep on complementing her on her Sari and her smile in the pictures and she goes back to being proud of the pictures. How do I give confort to someone who is very likely to stay here for the rest of his life? How do I do that in a language I don’t speak? How do I tell them that everything will be alright? All I can do is hug her like a Venezuelan would do and give her all the love in my heart hoping it will reach her soul with all the energy I am putting into it. I think I succeed, until we reach the last picture. It shows a woman that looks like her but younger and a man. She tells me it is her sister who is "expired" (thats what they call the dead here) and who left 5 children. My heart falls down my stomach.
I hold my breath and grin telling her that they are healthy and good here and that they will see their children soon for Holi on the 23rd of march and that they are full of love in SAPNA. Again, it seems to work and now is she who comes with a big smile to hug me and I feel the luckiest person on earth. Whenever we do something with the heart, its result is pure and gorgeous.
SAPNA in hindi means DREAM. This is what this place is. Somewhere to dream of a better future and to hope of living your dreams. Is a door to living with what you have under the sun and company of indians that love you as family in the safety of the country that made you.
Today I dream with them. I dream of recovery and I dream with Bobbly and Vina reunited with their kids in their home. I dream of a thousand colorful saris making this woman even more beautiful than they already are and I dream of more places like SAPNA. I dream of strong women like Vina, Concilia and Mushke.
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| Mushke, Concilia and Vina (from left to right) |
Today has been the day my campaign’s name took a shift. Nothing is a coincidence people, nothing. Today I am officially INDIADREAMING.
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| India Dreaming |
EmbraceSong: One of my inspiration companion showed me this song, and it has given me everything I was missing here. I am here to grow and be strong. "I still have a lot of fight left in me". Thank you Dave and Diane, you've given me more than I can explain. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc
